| Encyclopedia of Wine Hokum | | | | By: Jennifer Rosen |  Page 1 of 4 next >> |
Myths about wine don’t just take on a life of their own, they collect disciples. Sommeliers, producers, drinkers and, yup, even wine writers cling to notions that simply ain’t true, not surprising in a field that changes as fast as a lunch-hour shopper at Loehmann’s. Here’s a short guide to wine misinformation and lies that just won’t die. Now go win some bets.
Age: A necessity back when young wine had the softness of Brillo and the finish of Drano. Nowadays, most wine comes ready to drink and doesn’t get any better. A few can still go the distance, but they’re not for everyone. The bottle giveth complexity, but it taketh away fruit. As winemaker Andre Tchelistcheff put it, “Appreciating old wine is like making love to a very old lady. It is possible. It can even be enjoyable. But it requires a bit of imagination.”
Big: We Americans like our wine purple as ink, reeking of oak and concentrated as a Russian chess champion. Amps turned up, we’re easily underwhelmed by the un-plugged elegance of Old World wine. Turn that sucker down to discover a whole new type of dinner music.
Blend: You put milk in your coffee, sugar in your tea, but you wouldn’t dream of doctoring wine. Why not? It’s fun to experiment! Add a drop of lemon juice, or a pinch of sugar. Pour a little Merlot in your Cab. You’ll learn a lot, and I promise the winemaker isn’t looking.
Box: Chardonnay-flavored apple juice trashed its reputation, but actually a very useful container and perfectly respectable to Brits and Aussies. Light and stackable, its vacuum-bag/faucet combo keeps wine fresh for weeks after tapping. Good wines, cubed, should be available this year. Stay tuned.
Breathing: Opened bottles do as much of this as you would in the trunk of a Buick. If your wine wants air - and many do - pour it into a glass, pitcher or decanter. In emergency situations consider mouth-to-mouth.
Burgundy: The jug years left us thinking it was purple and…hearty, when, in fact, real Burgundy is none other than the Pinot Noir grape; more brains than brawn, and more brown than purple. What does that leave for your hearty beef stew? Zinfandel! It’s the new Burgundy.
Cans: First a box, and now - a six-pack? You want pommes frîtes with that? Actually, nothing stands between cans and the wine market but their image. Take a four-pack of Aussie Wine’s surprisingly decent Shiraz on your next picnic and you can skip the attitude as well as the corkscrew.
Chianti Classico: Sounds like a classier level of Chianti, but actually a sub-region of Chianti, the way that bald spot is a sub-region of your head, except in this case it’s considered prime real estate.
Clarity: Save it for diamonds. Clear means filtered; thus safe from spoilage. The pros and cons of pasteurized cheese apply here: filtering removes unwanted microbes and yeast, but also flavors. Good wine can range from brilliant to downright hazy these days, the only drawback to the latter being you can’t magnify the menu through your Muscat when you forget your reading glasses.
Cork: State-of-the-art stopper for 250 years, unfortunately also a spongy condo for mold and bacteria, shot through with Swiss-cheesy holes, cork has now been replaced with more reliable, hygienic closures. At least in the case of poison, medicine and food. Wine, however, still clings to these pieces of tree-bark – chiefly because they go “pop!”
Expensive: What great wine is, right? An orangutan can order good $500 wine. OK, an orangutan with plastic and a decent French accent. But plenty of cheaper wines are swell, too. Land, labor and marketing costs are a few of the factors that goose up price but not flavor. Complexity costs, but if you’d rather quaff than analyze, it’s a waste of dough. The best wine is the star in your price bracket - whether that’s $6, $16 or $50.
| 
Wine Related Articles 
